Aging
A distraught
senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true,"
she wanted to know,
"that the
medication you prescribed has
to be taken for
the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm
afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a
moment of silence before the senior lady
replied,
"I'm wondering,
then, just how serious is my condition
because this
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
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An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating
table
awaiting
surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned
surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about
to get the anesthesia
he asked to
speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what
is it?" "Don't be nervous, son;
do your best
and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something
happens to me .
your mother is
going to come
and live with
you and your wife...."
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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when
you
stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
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The older we
get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting
in line for
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Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want
people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a
long way and some of the
roads weren't
paved.
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How old would you be
if you didn't
know how old you are?
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When you are dissatisfied and would
like to go back
to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything
either dries up
or leaks.
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I don't know
how I got over the hill
without getting
to the top.
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One of the many things no one tells you about
aging
is that it is
such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old
is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so gray
and wrinkled
and bald, they don't recognize you.
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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.
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First you
forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget
to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when
you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it
was called witchcraft.
Today, it's
called golf
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A WELL PLANNED
LIFE????
Two women met for the first time since
graduating from high school.
One asked the
other, "You were always so organized in school,
Did you manage
to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said
her friend.
"My first
marriage was to a millionaire;
my second
marriage was to an actor;
my third
marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm
married to an undertaker."
Her friend
asked,
"What do those
marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
"One for the
money,
two for the
show,
three to get
ready,
and four to
go."
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